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October 14, 2005
join the club
WILLARD: I joined a club.
SAM: Really? That's great. Which one?
WILLARD: The Future Optimists of America.
SAM: Never heard of it.
WILLARD: That's because it doesn't exist yet.
SAM: Uh-huh.
WILLARD: But it's going to exist. We're going to form a charter.
SAM: Who's going to form a charter?
WILLARD: Why, all the optimists, that's who.
SAM: I see.
WILLARD: Oh yeah, you'll see alright. There's millions of us out there.
SAM: Millions.
WILLARD: Practically hundreds of thousands of us.
SAM: Is that so.
WILLARD: Literally tens of...dozens of optimists.
SAM: And you're all going to start this club together.
WILLARD: That's right, we're just waiting for the right moment. In the mean time I submitted an application to another club.
SAM: Oh. And what club would that be?
WILLARD: The American Association of Former Pessimists.
SAM: Oh, that sounds right up your alley.
WILLARD: It is! Well...it would be.
SAM: Whaddya mean?
WILLARD: It's just that I faxed in the application a few days ago. I would've thought I'd hear from them by now.
SAM: Hmmmm.
WILLARD: They probably won't let me join.
SAM: No, really?
WILLARD: I just hope that if they don't let me join they'll at least have the grace to tell me why. Is it my education, my field of work, my clothes, something I said? Practically anything could be the culprit.
SAM: It's probably nothing.
WILLARD: Do you think so? They'd reject me over nothing?
SAM: No, silly, you're worrying over nothing. Clubs and Associations can take weeks to review new applications.
WILLARD: I don't know. I gotta bad feeling about this.
SAM: On second thought, you're probably right.
WILLARD: Yeah.
SAM: Who needs 'em anyways.
WILLARD: Yeah. I gotta cousin who's a member.
SAM: Member of that pessimists thing?
WILLARD: No, not that. He's a member of the Society of Modern Stoics.
SAM: Hey, that's swell! He could put in a good word for you, kinda sponsor you in.
WILLARD: Maybe. Maybe not. We'll see what happens.
SAM: That's the spirit.
WILLARD: There's one other club I'd like to join.
SAM: And which one would that be?
WILLARD: I wanna join the U.O.U.E.
SAM: You Owe You We? What kind of club is that?
WILLARD: The Union of Otherwise Unaffiliated Existentialists.
SAM: Oh, cut it out, now you're putting me on.
WILLARD: No, seriously, there really is such a club.
SAM: No way.
WILLARD: Yes way!
SAM: Yeah? Prove it.
WILLARD: Well certainly I can prove it.
SAM: So prove it.
WILLARD: You want proof?
SAM: --Yeah--
WILLARD: --You want proof?
SAM: --Yeah, prove it--
WILLARD: Ok then, here goes. The U.O.U.E. exists because of the fact that...ah...
SAM: Well?
WILLARD: ...ummm...because...
SAM: Hmmmmm?
WILLARD: Oh hang it all, maybe I can't prove to you that they exist, but they do exist!
SAM: They do, do they?
WILLARD: Absolutely.
SAM: And you're going to join them.
WILLARD: You better believe I will!
SAM: Well, nobody will be happier than me if you do.
WILLARD: Thanks, pal. And even if they don't exist, they will because we're going to form a charter.
SAM: Who's going to form--oh, now don't start that again.
WILLARD: There's millions of us.
SAM: Please stop.
WILLARD: Practically hundreds of thousands of existentialists. Today we are completely and utterly unaffiliated with each other.
SAM: Meanwhile it's lunch time.
WILLARD: But tomorrow! Wait and see!
SAM: I could go for some split pea soup.
WILLARD: Literally dozens of us pouring over our brand new charter.
SAM: Maybe some turkey and bacon on toast, a nice club sandwich.
WILLARD: All waiting together for that perfect moment when we will rise up--did you say club sandwich?
Posted by joel at October 14, 2005 12:00 AM
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Comments
You really should be writing for the Gilmore Girls.
(I'm considering that a huge compliment).
Posted by: Robert N G ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.chezjoel.com//nav-commenters.gif)
at October 14, 2005 04:26 PM
i like one of those.
those what?
whatever those are that you drank before you wrote this ... in fact, i'm making it a double!
Posted by: uncle jim at October 14, 2005 11:59 PM
RNG: Thanks, I'll have to take your word on that. Already in its fifth season I see on their website and yet I am almost completely ignorant of their existence.
Uncle Jim: Belay that order, barkeeper. Sometimes when I'm about to get sick, my mind hangs by one of its hinges for a bit and swings through some unusual arcs. I was that way for much of the day on Thursday. At some point the phrase "Future Optimists of America" came into my head and I laughed out loud. Later that night I arose, committed it to the blog, all against judgement which I generally consider to be better (the kind I use when I'm not sick). I did think to myself after I posted this that maybe I could be a great writer if my health were to perpetually teeter on the edge of ruin.
Now look, I'm rambling. Obviously I'm not out of the woods yet.
Posted by: Joel at October 15, 2005 01:58 AM
Funny stuff! I'm hearing Bob Elliott as Sam, Ray Goulding as Willard.
"my mind hangs by one of its hinges for a bit" -- so not quite unhinged, then? :)
Posted by: MichaelBates at October 16, 2005 07:35 PM
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