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August 03, 2004
sweet albert
Several months ago, I discovered "Sweet-N-Easy" microwave-ready sweet potatoes. You simply nuke this modern marvel in its "'FLAVOR-SAVER™' wrap for 7 minutes for oven-baked sweet potato taste." The label on this toothsome treat hastily assures us: "twiced washed, no preservatives."
The particular specimen which is the subject of my post sat in the cool darkness of my pantry for unknowable stretches of time. The danged thing sprouted, of course, and for a few weeks sent its cute little creepers blindly groping about the inside of its plastic shroud. And then one day, I opened my spud cabinet, and six inch pale pink slips reared up as if to say, "I am Ipomoea batatas! Bring me sunlight immediately!" At least I imagine that's what happened, because I can't remember why I carried the thing into my office and set it on my desk.
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It is the marvelous "Flavor Saver™" which has maintained my Sweet-N-Easy at the optimal 85-90% humidity, turning my sweet potato into a little biosphere, thus bestowing its longevity. Moisture retention is nearly 100%, with only minor shriveling on the end which sports the sprouts.
I've named him "Albert" after Albert Wada, president of Wada Farms Potatos, origin of my spud's odyssey. I don't know how long we can go on like this, Albert and I. All life is fleeting, and we doom ourselves to dispair when we try to hang onto the past. Amazingly, Albert himself has a word of wisdom for me: the final word on the inside of the label which Wada Farms has placed on this convenient repackaging of one of natures most convenient foods is simply the word "ENJOY!" And so I have.
Posted by joel at August 3, 2004 12:15 PM
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Comments
Be free, Albert! Be free!
Posted by: El Fid at August 3, 2004 01:08 PM
And what I think is so nice about Albert is that he obligingly blends with your office decor. Clever tuber.
Posted by: honest + popular at August 3, 2004 05:25 PM
Also, I would like to tell you that your bio is hilarious. I agree with you where Ishtar is concerned. It is the pre-Guffman. It's one of the best movies EVER, if you just ignore the plot. (Which played out near where you were born.)
Posted by: honest + popular at August 3, 2004 05:28 PM
Its *not* a toobuh!
Thanks for the snaps on the bio. I like to keep it sweet 'n easy (that's my new motto).
Posted by: Joel at August 3, 2004 05:45 PM
Hey, 'N'eezy! I'm gonna ask you a question and you're gonna think about it before you reply. Ummm, okay, here's my question: do you think people will be discouragested if we, the grocery buying public, don't respond to every post? Because I read and think a lot. Sometimes I think and don't even bother to post because I'm thinking so much. However, I'd hate it if there was some kind of negative reinforcement thing happening to my jolly band of entertainers. How can I keep them alive on my desk, so to speak? (They have such pretty eyes!)
Posted by: honest + popular at August 3, 2004 09:06 PM
That was a question? It hurts my brain!!
Nice potato-post, Joel. I love that you admit you don't know how it got to your office. That is very like you.
Also, I would like to pout that they upped the American Idol contestant age and I missed it. Think what I might have been! Actually, I could probably audition next time, ifn I wanna.
Posted by: k_sra at August 4, 2004 08:00 AM
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