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July 30, 2004
i am job
I finally got a small contract job! Maybe! Kinda! Hopefully! But it's a small one (couple hours' work). C'mon, people, check me out! No, seriously, check me out. I am a programmin' fool. Let me give you an example.
I was once approached by the Department of Defense about creating an April fools prank on NASA (a little inter-departmental fun). I had to work with their legacy equipment, which dated from the sixties, and been heavily scavanged for parts to be used as area 51 debris souvenirs. So first I had to patch things up with what they had on hand, which was exactly two coat hangers, a rayon necktie, and a roll of scotch tape (actually it was a generic brand; it didn't completely disappear when I used it to wrap some presents). Anyway, I sat down later that afternoon, and wrote 80,000 lines of code in JoelBalt, which is a language I created myself (it's a fusion of Assembly, Navajo, Morse code and essoteric jokes I share with a worldwide clandestine network of like-minded individuals). I then hand-compiled everything (it's much faster if I do it that way), and the rest, as they say, is black-ops history.
I don't want to give it all away, but you remember that satellite NASA lost a while back; that $4 billion thingie that pretty much bonked in the clutch, and then disappeared? That was me. Actually, I should say, that may or may not have been me. Suffice it to say, that satellite may or may not be back here in orbit around our planet, doing freelance reconnaisance work (imagine that: a moonlighting satellite). I believe they rent it out for big parties. It's pretty slick when people walk out to the pool, and see the top of their head on the big HD screen behind the stage. They always, always look up to see the camera, and they always get so confused. It is hilarious.
Anyway, I'm certainly qualified to help you with any of your programming needs, like, say, website. Or parsing...files. I'll probably use Perl. JoelBalt is way too powerful for everyday use. Plus most computers can't even use it. It requires alien hardware.
Posted by joel at July 30, 2004 11:44 PM
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Comments
(I'll just say this in parentheses so that no one will hear me. You're kinda hard to comment on because your blog seems so serious and businessy. I mean, what if I don't capitalize or puncuate or spell something Correclty, mightn't it reflect poorly on you and then you might not impress quite everyone who might otherwise potentially be impressed?) I know you're a programming fool. I've seen the wide-eyed stare going 12 hours nonstop with no food, no drink, oblivious to the parade outdoors. Tell your stories, Joel. You have a gift for code.
Posted by: El Fid at August 1, 2004 02:58 PM
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