an aside to the readers
September 22, 2004 – 9:16 pmIt seems to me there is some dissatisfaction among the readers of the Joel Hoagland series with the choices provided in some of the installments. I must admit, sometimes my first reaction is to say, “piss off, there is no option ‘E.’” And I suppose, in a sense, I am not wrong to feel that way. These are my stories, after all, and I should own the confidence to tell them as I see fit.
However, on further reflection, I must acknowledge that the secret to my Enormous Success is you, my Readers. To ignore any dissatisfaction you might have with how the series is playing out would be arrogance, and a conceit I cannot ultimately afford. I have never written anything like this “choose my own adventure” story. Truth be told, after hurling off the first installment, I had no idea how I was going to proceed.
The idea I settled upon was this: use a fictitious conversation as a framework for a series of true stories, allowing the readers to vote on which details or stories they wanted to hear next. And that is what I have done. There really was a “Tamara” who really did ask me if I were gay whilst I drove her (and my sister Fid) home one evening. But at that point the story of Tamara becomes fiction; the truth is I don’t remember exactly what my answer was, and it hardly mattered, since I just dropped her off at her house. I never did seriously consider asking her out; she was a minor at the time, and I was 23. But for the sake of the storytelling vehicle I wanted to create, I downplayed this detail, and crafted a late-night coffee run which never happened.
Some of you seem to be interested in more swashbuckling, more exploits d’amor. I am averse, in this series, to telling fictional stories about myself which are not fundamentally true to myself (I save that stuff for the boudoir). Truthfully, I was more Don Quixote than Don Juan. I was no Condom Commando; my first french kiss was delivered to my wife to be. The love stories of my youth are short on salacious details, not because of any reticence I have in revealing them, but because the stories themselves are relatively tame.
For instance, the story of sitting on the swings next to Karenne and saying nothing for an hour is painfully dull, and boring to the point of aggravation. The point in telling that story is that all that awkward silence is, by itself, the story. That’s what happened, and the fact that it happened that way tells you something about me and about Karenne.
Nevertheless, I am open to criticism regarding the choices I am offering to you, my readers. Furthermore, I am not averse to adding more fiction to the mix, and perhaps there should be more excitement. Your comments and suggestions will be most expected. I promise to give them a careful and respectful review before once more advising each and every one of you to “piss off.”
9 Responses to “an aside to the readers”
Hey, come on down out of that tree. I do believe you’ve really misunderstood and underestimated your erstwhile audience. We like you, writer, tons and we looooooooooove messing around and proposing new options and joshing about the Hoagland love life. You’ve made something really fun, now don’t sternly tell us to play your way or leave the playground. It’s not fair. I was just getting up the nerve to go down the big slide this time. All by myself. (I swear.) Your reprimand is a little scary. Our comments are playful and fond. Let’s get on the same page here. You write what you want, E’s aside, ‘cuz we’re just all waiting for the next installment anyway. Now turn the music back on… and seriously give some thought to deleting this comment (that’ll be the day, huh?) And stop smoking that stuff- it’s making you paranoid.
By honest + popular on Sep 23, 2004
Thanks for the encouraging words. I wasn’t seeking an “attaboy” or a “there-there”, however. I want to hear suggestions for improving the Hoagland series.
I ‘gree it may already be fixed and I shouldn’t broke it. I am not blind to the possibility that I am a damn fine writer. But maybe with y’allz input I could broke it into something even better. Eh? Eh?
And only then would I tell you all to take a royal wee.
By Joel on Sep 23, 2004
I choose B.
By Worldgineer on Sep 23, 2004
There’s nothing a writer likes better than suggesting writing suggestions to another writer….>: ) (rubs hands together)
Ok, step one: swing wide. Always keep the audience guessing. In this forum we DO have the patience to read whatever you choose to write, but we don’t WANT to have the patience to read whatever you write. We want it to surprise and astound us. Enthrall and amuse us. Make us forget our own awkward childish love affairs in the glorious retelling of YOUR younger days. Or at least make our hearts shine with nostalgic light. As in, “Aw, I remember those innocent halcyon days!”
That and we want swashbuckling adventures that never happened. Personally, I want to see you rewrite your past in the way most pleasing to you. I don’t feel (personally) that YOU are satisfied with these retellings. I’m afraid your imaginary Tamara is kicking your butt back there and I want to smack her gob. You see, if you ain’t happy I ain’t happy. Are you happy? Has my empathy led me astray?
Anyways, don’t stick to the historical facts of your life because (and this brings me to point three [as if I was keeping track]) when you tell an actual factual story as it really happened, our ability to “choose our own adventure” is hampered. Actually it’s nonexistant. And that’s what this whole thing is about, am I right? We can’t change history unless you give us the option to change history. What I’m trying to say is: wilder choices, less realism.
(plinks two cents on table and sits down)
By k_sra on Sep 23, 2004
uppity snuff, cj, service service service! I thought this was your recent mantra. Where’s your apron and shirt sleeve garters? Sheesh, you’re lucky you have us to kick around before you get famous and have a chance to resent your greater audience.
p.s. “staring out to sea” Am I the only one that died laughing on that one?
By El Fid on Sep 24, 2004
Oh. Jeez. And since World already stole my joke, I suppose I’ll say here that I’ve just been trying to pick the least popular answer. And in my defense, I’ve never asked for E; but that’s not to say that a car chase and a good explosion here and there would be boring or anything…
You’re a hell of a writer, Joel. And that swing scene told me more about you as a person than the ricc suave diner conversation (though, I’ll admit that I thought the main reason for the silence was the language barrier). I could just stop posting comments, if you’d prefer, but I’ll not stop reading. Nope. Can’t make me.
(This is the part where I jump into a souped-up sedan with a trunkload TNT and speed away.)
By Daryk Jozef Havlicek on Sep 25, 2004
Daryk, I hear ya. Ok, I’ll write more about the swing scene –oh, you meant the scene on the swings. Ahem.
Please don’t threaten to take away the comments. I’m a commentoholic. Comments are writers’ crack as far as I’m concerned. No, they’re not good for me, but I need ‘em! (Just til the weekend, I swear.)
By Joel on Sep 25, 2004
Ummm, you don’t have to continue on the original scene on the swings; you can write about the swing scene (though that particular scene appears to be the Hokey Pokey). Do tell us what happens when the fellow in the pinstripes and suspenders puts his left leg in…
By Daryk Jozef Havlicek on Sep 26, 2004
Swing scene, hokey pokey? Oh, so that’s what it’s all about.
By Worldgineer on Sep 27, 2004